How to Beat Up Anybody

If you've ever been attacked and robbed of your barbecued meats by Bigfoot, you know how terrifying it can be. Fortunately, Judah Friedlander's How to Beat Up Anybody can prepare you for just this kind of emergency. The self-proclaimed "World Champion of the World," Friedlander carefully lays out every possible scenario in which one could commonly be in danger—consecutive attacks by one-armed quadruplets, ninja strikes, dinosaur attacks, and, of course, a hungry Bigfoot trying to steal your lunch. With his trademark trucker hat, thick-framed glasses, and beer gut, Friedlander's World Champion stand-up persona translates surprisingly well to the pages of his book. Peppered with hundreds of demonstrative photographs and "handwritten" how-to tips, the book is full of his own brand of absurdist and non-sequitur humor. Not straying far from his subject, the World Champ shows serious dedication to his craft, with each chapter surprisingly intricate in its (completely invented) detail and (thoroughly arbitrary) specificity. From proper nutrition (a pizza with kielbasa, tuna salad, and baked pigeon) to charity work (teaching topless dancers self-defense for free), Friedlander covers all the bases in what may go down as the greatest self-help book ever written. At least that's what the World Champ would tell you.